Attachement, Bonding & Identity Changes

Understanding Perinatal Attachment, Bonding & Identity Changes

Becoming a parent is one of the most profound transitions in life. During the perinatal period—the time from pregnancy through to the second year after birth—many parents experience unexpected emotional and psychological changes. Studies have shown that our brains physically change during this transition, thought to occur in order to protect and increase the chances of survival of our offspring. This can lead to a mix of sometimes contradicting feelings including joy and excitement, but also anxiety, overwhelm, low mood, and disconnection from your baby or yourself. These feelings are more common than many people realise, and you are not alone in experiencing them.

Attachment and bonding refer to the emotional connection that forms between a parent and their baby. This bond doesn’t always happen instantly—it can take time, especially if birth was traumatic, you've experienced previous miscarriages/ baby loss, or if you’re coping with mental health challenges such as postnatal depression or anxiety. Therapy can support you in understanding these feelings, creating space to strengthen your connection with your baby and nurture yourself as a parent.

Alongside these shifts in connection, many parents experience significant identity changes. You may feel like you've lost parts of your previous self, or be unsure of who you are now. These identity shifts can be disorienting, particularly in a world that often expects us to “bounce back” physically and emotionally. You may also find that the perinatal period unearths wounds and trauma from your own childhood, which can be painful and destabilising. Speaking with a perinatal psychologist can help you explore this with compassion, gently helping you to process past trauma and connecting with your values, strengths, and sense of self in this new phase of life.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, disconnected, or unsure about who you are as a parent, working with a therapist who understands the emotional complexities of the perinatal period can make a meaningful difference. You deserve support, and with the right help, it is possible to feel more grounded, connected, and confident in your parenting journey.